I overheard a man on the train telling a woman that he didn’t want to date her exclusively.
The conversation went something like: “I don’t believe in dating only one person. I told you, that’s not realistic.” Ouch — as painful as that sounds, I had to chuckle. At least he was telling the truth, right?
Some people might think he sounds like a dick, but I had to acknowledge his balls. And no… not physical balls, dirty minded people 🙂 As harsh as he was, the reality is that he was being completely honest; which is more than most of us are in relationships.
The longer you’re with a person, the harder it is to be completely truthful. It should be opposite, but it’s not. When you’ve been invested in a partner for so long, expressing your feelings isn’t easy because you’re worried about how that other person will react. You care about them, and sometimes that fear triumphs over your own needs; but why?
We are taught from an early age to always tell the truth. So, why as I’m getting older, do I find it more difficult to tell the person I’m in a relationship with how I feel?
While I admire this guy’s honesty, I couldn’t help but feel bad for the girl on the receiving end; even though, she was putting herself in this situation. I wanted to give her a big hug, but I also wanted to high-five the guy behind her back. I mean, you can’t be mad at him. He’s being upfront, which is what girls say they want.
Train guy put me in check — my thoughts matter and need to be heard, as does all of ours. If we can’t express them, no one will know what the hell we are thinking and why we act the way we do. Now don’t get me wrong, I’ve been completely honest with someone once. I told him, while we were dating and I was sleeping in his bed every other night, I also wasn’t ready to be committed. They say actions speak louder than words, but I don’t believe that. I was that girl who kept coming back to that bed, but only when I had nowhere else better to be.
And that was my reality — just like train guy’s. He didn’t want to commit because he’s smart. It’s not what she wanted to hear, but it’s what he needed to say so that he felt okay to still hang out with her. As long as his thoughts were out in the open, it wasn’t his fault if she got hurt. It’s selfish, it’s mean, but it’s the truth.
While I cringe at how nasty honesty can be, I have to give train guy a nod of approval for his non-bullshit tactic. Now, if we could all hop on the truthful bandwagon…